For A long time now, there has been this old dogmatic belief about success and conformity implanted deep inside my brain.
The more I question this belief, the clearer my life gets. As of late, I have started digging deep into who I truly want to be and not what the world wants me to be. What a daring thing to do! To go against everything you’ve been told all your life, to face reality and dare to question what is real or not. To surrender at the possibility of being wrong and taking responsibility for the almost certain catastrophic consequences. Not easy! Not at all.
The Mouse Trap
For as long as I can remember, every time I’ve tried exploring and executing on what I think is my dream or my reason for being, there is always this ‘Force’ that finds it’s way to stop me with a big red stop sign. All these feelings of self-doubt and shame start bubbling, for some reason, they always seemed to stop me; Never allowed to focus entirely and give it all. A devastating thought would pop up every time “If I can’t be better than everyone else why would I try” or “That takes a lot of time and practice, when I have more money I will have the time to do it” “I should focus on making money instead”. This thing! This bug! It got me thinking of how much of my time has been wasted thinking and worrying about the money.
Wealth was at the center for me even if I didn’t realize that at the time. Wealth was this great thing that was going to take care of everything else and make me ‘So happy’ once I finally got it. Maybe it would! who knows, but also, Fuck that! Money is a great motivator don’t get me wrong, but if the main goal is always money it’s really easy to get discouraged. At least in my case, I have been guilty of chasing that thing like a madman and hasn’t worked out in the least. I have been putting things off; the things that really matters to me, always waiting for that precious money to come and save me. Rrright… more like “I’m too afraid to actually give it a shot and commit.” I don’t know exactly why we do this kind of thing -At least some of us do- but my best guess; it all boils down to Comparison.
Comparison And Competition
In the book ‘The Gifts of Imperfection’ Dr. Brené Brown talks about Comparison on greater detail, making some incredible compelling points.
Dr. Brown talks about how comparison is all about conformity and competition. When we compare, we want to be the best or be better out of the group. In such we are always comparing ourselves to others and, we all do it. This comparison habit ‘becomes this crushing paradox of “fit in but stand out!”’ We no longer cultivate authenticity or self-acceptance; we never seem to have the time to do what really matters. Subliminally we have been told to “fit in”, but at the same time be better than everyone else aaand what better way of being ‘better’ than being ‘successful’ (aka being filthy rich) this false version of success is propaganda, more than that; is the huge stop sing that stops us from spending time on the things that bring joy to our lives, Why? well… We don’t want to ill spend our time, and every second matter on the race to success. I hate to say it, but there is also a feeling of shame involved; a mix of self-repression and self-doubt that is heartbreaking. Are you to trapped on the mouse trap? Are you a photographer who doesn’t practice photography? Are you a dancer how doesn’t dance? A singer who doesn’t sing? A tennis player without a racquet? A swimmer who never swims? A doctor that doesn’t practice medicine? An engineer who doesn’t build? A writer who does not write? There’s no need to hold back! A lot of people do it, it’s Ok! Money can keep us alive but passion is what we live for in the first place.
Have you ever looked for Yourself?
We should Not point the finger and blame it all on society, in part, it is also our fault for not making the effort and buying into the lies. As the philosopher Nietzsche once said “We are unknown to ourselves, and with good reason. We have never sought ourselves – how could it happen that we should ever find ourselves? It has rightly been said: “Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also”; our treasure is where the beehives of our knowledge are.”
So.. How come we don’t seek ourselves? why don’t we seek ourselves with the same desperation we seek money or success, the way we seek the validation of other people.
Who has the time to answers this questions anyways?
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